


Falling

by gamezees



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Broken Speech, Emotions, Feels, Gen, Post Reichenbach
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-25
Updated: 2013-03-25
Packaged: 2017-12-06 10:57:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/734887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gamezees/pseuds/gamezees
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John is left alone with his thoughts and feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fall

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Miracle on Baker Street](https://archiveofourown.org/works/385693) by [Teumessian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Teumessian/pseuds/Teumessian). 



> Wrote this as a trial at writing grief. I like it so far.  
> I did not create the characters. Credit to where it is due.  
> also thank you to NoneOfTheAbove and shjwlove for editing and approving

Sherlock.  
SHERLOCK!  
Falling.  
Falling.  
Falling.  
Nothing I could do.  
just ran.  
Was hit.  
Ran more.  
Checked a pulse.  
And fought.  
Everyone.  
Who tried to keep me away from him.  
Him.  
Sherlock.  
Dead.  
Sherlock.


	2. Cannot Stay

grief.  
Sherlock.  
pain.  
failure.  
memory.  
cannot go on.  
Sherlock.  
NO.  
Come back.  
miracle.  
Don't be Dead.  
NO.  
not possible.  
Dead.  
gone.  
have to go.  
have to leave.  
cannot stay.  
without you.


	3. Monotony

monotony.  
Harry.  
anger.  
Sherlock.  
gone.  
thoughts.  
memory.  
limp.  
no adventures.  
lost.


	4. Bored

feeling gone.  
heart wrenched out.  
life disappeared.  
nothing.  
resembling normal.  
fire lost.  
still inside.  
nothing to coax.  
drenched.  
Bored.


	5. Fake

Lestrade.  
pint.  
Fake.  
Fake.  
FAKE.  
fake smiles.  
fake good intentions.  
fake life.  
avoid.  
Sherlock.  
at all costs.  
cannot.  
cannot.  
trying.   
for normal.  
not normal.  
tightness.  
difficult.  
have to leave.  
refuse to stay.  
walk.  
alone.


	6. Screaming

cannot.  
get over this.  
Sherlock.  
Dead.  
Fall.  
Sherlock.  
NO.  
try to escape.  
rocking on the floor.  
head in hands.  
Tears.  
screaming.  
swearing.  
Fuck you.  
How.  
Could you.  
Do this.  
To me.  
to me.  
to everyone.  
We.  
I.  
need you.  
cannot.  
go on.  
alone.  
failure.


	7. Idle

Mrs. Hudson.  
tea shop.  
cannot.  
go near home.  
always home.  
never anything else.  
too many.  
memories.  
Idle.  
Idle.  
Idle gossip.  
not a moment.  
of silence.  
just talk.  
will not.  
talk about.  
Sherlock.  
cannot.  
she wants me.  
to return.  
Home.  
cannot.  
not yet.  
probably not.  
Ever.


	8. Not Okay

therapy.  
cannot avoid.  
that I am not.  
Okay.  
she wants.  
me to say it.  
to hear it.  
barely speak.  
cannot get it out.  
that.  
my best friend.  
Sherlock.  
is Dead.  
Fall.   
NO.  
Sherlock.  
please.  
don't make me say it.  
again.  
need to.  
curl up.  
be alone.  
silent.


	9. Stuck

life.  
goes on.  
past me.  
Harry thinks.  
I should work.  
again.  
saw Sarah.  
she welcomed.  
went back.  
working.  
again.  
don't go to sleep.  
accidentally.  
anymore.  
tired.  
cannot.  
sleep.  
patients go through.  
Sarah understands.  
tries to be normal.  
not normal.  
not anymore.  
stuck.  
in a loop.  
Sherlock.


	10. A Day

wake up.  
get ready.  
toast.  
tea.  
leave for the clinic.  
patients.  
more patients.  
lunch.  
don't think.  
patients.  
leave.  
dinner.  
ignore Harry.  
avoid thinking.  
but.  
Sherlock.  
NO.   
Dead.  
life.  
gone.  
pull my head.  
up.  
out of the thoughts.  
Try.  
Try.  
Try.  
to get over this.


	11. Insane

Tesco.  
need food.  
Harry insists.  
pick out.  
pay.  
holding food.  
almost drop it.  
tall stranger.  
a head taller.  
long black coat.  
catches my eye.  
turn again.  
gone.  
feel lost.  
Insane.  
PTSD.  
Limp.  
Hallucinations.  
walk.  
alone.


	12. Crashing

Mrs. Hudson.  
calls.  
needs help with.  
His.  
Sherlock's.  
things.  
prove myself.  
need.  
agree.  
next day.  
door.  
numbers.  
Home.  
knock.  
she greets.  
nod.  
follow her inside.  
Home.  
breathe.  
walk.  
limp.  
open door.   
Crashing.  
grab the doorframe.  
everything looks.  
Normal.  
Normal.


	13. Bow

she supports.  
me.  
to the couch.  
His couch.  
she talks.  
Excuse.  
leaves me.  
alone.  
good.  
sit.  
take it in.  
skull.  
lab.  
nicotine patches.  
head starts to.  
Bow.  
under the weight.  
memories.  
life.  
wonder.  
Tears.  
try to.  
Stop.


	14. Cannot

voice.  
deep.  
head snaps.  
ice blue.  
Eyes.  
focused.  
on me.  
standing.  
suddenly.  
Anger.  
need to hit.  
punch.  
bruise blooming.  
on the floor.  
stumble back.  
cannot.  
move my stare.  
look of hurt.  
relief.  
Anger.  
Why.  
The fuck.  
Are you.  
Alive.  
Dead.  
You.  
Were.  
Dead.  
There was.  
Blood.  
On my hands.  
no pulse.  
Fall.  
NO.  
Sherlock.  
Shouting.  
Tears.  
cannot.  
Stop.  
cannot.  
let him.  
explain.  
just need.  
Rage.  
John.  
I.  
push him.  
against a wall.  
Yelling.  
suddenly.  
drop.  
stumble.  
back.  
sit.  
curl.  
concern.  
touch shoulder.  
pull away.  
John.  
now.  
allow.  
explanation.  
look in.  
his eyes.  
truth.  
care.  
cannot imagine.  
his struggle.  
feel.  
barriers leave.  
can relax.  
breathe.  
against.  
Sherlock.


End file.
